chapunx

Despair.

2011-05-05T04:24:00.002+08:00

Proud of Your Love
by Tohoshinki

Passing by at a quick pace
I wonder how much of a season had already gone?

Walking through the scenery I’ve become familiar with
Without being able to slip away
From these distant memories alone
It's like I completely lost my destination
That was the time when I met you

We met by chance along this road
Even now I can’t forget, ever since that day
Much of the sorrow and anxiety I held
Everything had been changed
Through the warmth of your memories
Proud of your love

Finding two shells
Is just like a miracle..
Meeting you once more

If you're here beside me
Even the depths of my heart
Would be comfortable with this gentle feeling
Even if violent rain falls down
And strong winds blow about

I'll go out to protect this love
If we're together we can surely overcome all
Could I have thought like that at first?
So I don’t let go of this hand
I'll always gaze carefully at time

We met by chance along this road
Even now I can’t forget, ever since that day
Things that live on, things that I believe in
While changing towards happiness,
We’d both walk along together
Proud of your love

Proud of your love..
Proud of your love..
Proud of your love..
Proud of your love..
Proud of your love..

------------------------------------------

that time of the month when I'm just all depressed and longing for a complete DBSK/THSK.

!@#$^&

2011-04-20T21:58:00.003+08:00

I know it's for my own good,
but I'm not a frickkin 10 years old kid! I know what's wrong and what's right.
I know it's wrong to curse... yeaah..
but you just can't help it sometimes. Especially when I'm in rage.
and it's not like I'm cursing people. Like seriously?!
it's so frustrating! and now I feel like cursing but.must.hold.it. =X

BB.

2011-04-19T03:25:00.006+08:00

I hate this love song,
I hate this love song,
I hate this love song,
I hate this love song,
I hate this love song,
I hate this love song,
I hate this love song,
I hate this love song
- Love Song (Big Bang)

A poem.

2011-04-15T07:35:00.007+08:00

Please Understand Me

Nicholas Long, American University, 1988

Don’t be fooled by me.

Don’t be fooled by the face that I wear.

For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks:

And all of them are mine.

Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me.

But don’t be fooled.

I may give you the impression that I am secure,

That confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water’s calm and I’m in command,

And that I need no one.

But don’t believe me.

Please.

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask,

Beneath which lies no smugness, no complacency.

Beneath lies the real me in confusion, in fear, in loneliness.

But I hide all that.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and my fear of being exposed.

That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind—

To shield me from a glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation!

…And if this glance is followed by acceptance—

If it’s followed by love, it can liberate me from myself;

from my own self-built prison walls; from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.

It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself,

That I’m really worth something,

But I don’t tell you this; I do not dare.

I do not dare, because…

I’m afraid that you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh…

And your laugh would hurt me…

So I play my game; my desperate pretending game.

And my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that really is nothing.

And nothing of what’s everything—of what’s crying within me.

So when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m rather NOT saying.

I dislike hiding, honestly.

I dislike the superficial game I’m playing – the superficial, phony game.

I‘d really like to be genuine, spontaneous, and me!

But you have got to help!

You’ve got to hold out your hand.

Even when that’s the last thing I seem to want, or need.

Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging;

Each time you care;

My heart begins to grow wings – very small wings – feeble wings – but wings.

I want you to know how important you are to me.

You alone can help me break down the wall.

You alone can help me to remove my masks.

It will not be easy for you.

The nearer you approach me. The more blindly I may strike back.

At times I am irrational.

I fight against the very things for which I cry out.

But I believe that a relationship is stronger than even a strong wall.

And in this lies my hope.

Please help me to beat down these walls with firm but gentle hands:

For the child within me is very sensitive.

Who am I?

I am someone you know very well...

I am every adolescent that you meet!

What?!

2011-04-09T02:48:00.003+08:00

yea like I give a shit.
It's hard to control my temper nowadays.
I don't show it. I held it inside. I curse them endlessly inside.
I'm selfish I know. I should know how to control my emotion.
Like what Ms. Shelley said, "Do Not Let Other People Control Your Emotion."
She is damn right. But it's hard to do it. It's hard to not let them control you.
I guess I'm still immature.

God's Secret.

2011-04-06T09:12:00.002+08:00

A sad day, a sad day indeed.
I pray for Allah's Forgiveness to you, dear one.
May you rest in peace. :')
To lose a friend or a family, means to lose a part of us.
May his close friends and family will always be under Allah's protection.
Amin.

Yooongg.

2011-04-05T00:51:00.004+08:00

Jung Yonghwa. You make me depressed.

I wanna scream Out in the night
I'll love you forever
- Wanna Be Like U (CNBlue)
♥

Remember when...

2011-04-03T07:10:00.003+08:00

"ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum

1. Share everything.
2. Play fair.
3. Don’t hit people.
4. Put things back where you found them.
5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.
6. Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
7. Say you’re SORRY when you HURT somebody.
8. Wash your hands before you eat.
9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11. Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
12. Take a nap every afternoon.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Stryrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first workd you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.”

Happy.

2011-04-03T07:00:00.002+08:00

Got this from tumblr.
Health:

Drink plenty of water.
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
Play more games.
Read more books than you did in 2010.
Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Sleep for 7 hours.
Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
Dream more while you are awake.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Smile and laugh more.
You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

Call your family often.
Each day give something good to others.
Forgive everyone for everything.
Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
Try to make at least three people smile each day.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

Do the right thing!
Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
The best is yet to come.
Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Can't.

2011-04-03T06:36:00.002+08:00

This is so true Oemgee!

I really can't picture anyone having a crush on me. I can’t picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep, or telling their friends about me. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them, or even just smiled at them. I can’t picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we’re talking.I mean like…Why would they even do that? I’m just me. Nothing extraordinary, or special.

Loveless.

2011-04-03T05:58:00.004+08:00

The previous post are incomplete.
There are tons of stuff I want to write but couldn't get them out of my head.
Btw I LOVE my new skin :D
Finally something I can stick to for a period of time.
Sick of changing it and believing I could make a awesome skin.
It just didn't happen. bleh.
I want to be perfect. BUT HOW?
well I can't be perfect coz nobody is perfect.
then can I be at least close to perfect?
How to concentrate on my studies? Somebody help me!
My attention span is too short. bleh.
Seohyun do really love Yong right? What a wonderful first love...
Why can't I be like that?!
Why I am Loveless? Why is it hard for me to fall in love?
I am in love, with a guy who has millions of girls falling for him too.
I am just another fan.
Then where is the normal guy?
oh wait, probably there's something wrong with me.
I'm not comfortable sitting and talking closely to guys. But only to those I'm not close with.
Like classmates, they are just uncomfortable, especially the smelly ones. Oemgee.
I'm too picky, I only like handsome guys. Even though majority of them are pain in the ass.
They act so full of themselves and only like bitches.
people should stop act like they are surprised when I said I never have a boyfriend.
like so what, bitch?
unlike you who has millions of ex-es. d'oh.
Somehow I want to study psychology, but what if I turn psycho?
rant.rant.rant. I talk crap.
haven't read any of my ISU books.
2 presentations next tuesday. crap.
Why do Allah love me so much even though I'm crap like this?
What have I done to make him give all these awesome-ness into my life?
I should be grateful. I should be thankful.
but, my stupid evil side is still blackening my heart.
I should terminate them forever. Go away you useless bastards! you're ruining my life!
Don't make Allah give up on me!
Am I weird? Am I weird to you?
I'm hungry.
err I don't know. x

Hellos & Goodbyes

2011-04-03T04:49:00.002+08:00

I don't even know why am I reopening this blog.
Here I am at 4.50 am, can't sleep.
Half an hour ago I was laying down trying to sleep, but couldn't.
So I decided to listen to some songs, obviously emotional songs were the only options in the middle of the night like this, and it made me go all emo–of course.
And I've been thinking.
In 3 months, I'll be leaving Malaysia.
It won't be forever for sure, but I don't know when I'll be back.
For some reasons, I really can't wait to go back to Indonesia.
Like, I can't wait to meet my family–of course. I can't wait to meet Ichan. I can't wait to meet my friends. I can't wait to go on endless trips with them, eating food like there's no tomorrow, talking as if we haven't talk forever, endless giggling and laughing, and my favorite part, NOSTALGIA! :)
However, i don't feel like leaving either. I love my college life, but it went by too fast.
There are tons of stuff I should be worrying, but I'm afraid if I keep on thinking about it, I might get depressed.
Whatever has start, will eventually end.
My life is unpredictable. I never get to catch a glimpse of the future.
It's always different than what it has been planned.
I'm not sure whether I liked it or not.

My English disgust me. :X